A Fiery Mexican, a Drunk Belgian & Nude Australian run into this pub see...

My life turned into a working men's club comedians bad joke last night. Circa '76.

It all started with Margarita's and Mexican for dinner...after receiving heartburn similar to the Volcano El Chichon erupting [I forgot about my lack of tolerance to Tequila's & chilli's combined with the lava flows of cheese] I left Andy at home to meet with a B & D at the Belgian Beer Garden.

Now usually the Belgian Beer Garden is a very smart sunday afternoon affair where groomed Melbournians enjoy jazz and European Beer in a setting of a beautiful Bluestone Historical building and it's charming gardens. Lovely.

Not on A Saturday Night though. Apparently not as fussy with it's clientele admissions.
Granted I was a bit sober [too many Antacids to keep the Alamo of a digestion occuring in my stomach] and I walked into, what I can only describe as, the Belgian Beer Garden putsch of 2008.

B & I met a charming fellow at the bar called 'Jacko' and his insightful view of the crowd 'all these fuckers are stuck up here' unlike his local pub [unnamed but I have a sneaking suspicion it appeared in the TV show 'Underbelly'], gave B his address just in case 'you leave your hubby sexy' [what a charmer - who could resist!] and proceeded to order 14 Bourbon & cokes for himself [or as N likes to call them 'suburban & cokes'].

Well our new mate disappears into the chaos and we managed to settle in for evening. I'm trying to calm my indigestion with a glass of Sauvigon Blanc finding that Mexican and French do not mix well [will pop a note through to the Epicure in The Age with that pearl of wisdom]. However about an hour later Jacko appears from one of the hedges, completely starkers [the suburban & cokes kicking in] and does a nudie run through the venue and out to St Kilda Road, with his finale being a helicopter and then British Bull dog [see Puppetry of Penis] for the maddening crowd.

The thing is that Jacko kept his [sort of] big gun for last [no excuses for the pun] and the only thing to top it was - well nothing really. Leaving is an excellent encore in that situation as opposed to getting arrested which is the alternative. I am actually surprised that the crowd didn't really care about it and continued drinking. B & I thought I was very funny. Bless Jacko for making our night.

D was found later on quite drunk kissing one of his work mates however for those who don't live in Australia that isn't a new thing for Heterosexual Australian men when they are drunk. Usually before a nudie run and well prior to fisty cuffs.

I managed to get home by 1am and was completely sober.
Pants on I would like to say too.

Xmas Party Fever - All nighter...

Well it's early Sunday morning and I have just awoken...and I'm reflecting on the last long 48 hours...
So it started Friday night at the Big Xmas Party for the whole company...(Andy didn't come this year as he came and left last year after an hour!) - At a pub/bar/club in Bourke St...The venue was alright yet it seemed a little small for the amount of people...I went over to Dermo's house first so we could arrive at the party at the same time so we wouldn't look like Norman No-mates...
The theme was Hollywood - and many dressed up - Liz Taylor, 40's screen sirens, miltary men (bless the gay boys), Lots of 007's (none of whom were as hot as Sean or Mr Craig) Bravehearts, Pimps, Pirates, Cowboys ( the gay's love a cowboy) and more starlets than the night sky (excuse the pun MGM)...

Needless to say as it was an open bar everyone became alcoholics for the night...I (somehow) switched to water around eleven so when I started to sober up for the rest of the party - it's always weird seeing everyone drunk and you're not - they seem quite revolting...

So then we headed out to 'Marrakesh' a little basement bar off Bank Place...and met up with some others...that was fun as we just lazed around on the sofa's and makeshift Turkish/Moroccan enspired surrounds and talked a lot of shit...and had a little dance...However we got kicked out around 3ish so we hunted down another venue...
Now let me tell you this...in Melbourne (CBD) there are a more bars/pubs/cocktail lounges and clubs than people can actually fill...unfortunately most close around 2-3 in the morning so hunting an all night place (in the CBD that is) is hard...as we staggered from bar to bar we were told to 'move on/members only/VIP night/etc' as it were...and they could afford to this time of year...so one of the group says 'lets go back to mine' so after waiting 30 minutes for 3 cabs we head off to richmond for recovery around 4ish...

Only problem is that his housemate was home - they have a fight about the noise etc and in 10 minutes we are all out on the street! Thankfully another offers their house in Albert Park - so another cab ride over to the Albert Park and another recovery starts...
Well the tunes are good and all is well until 6.30 when our host passed out so we organise ANOTHER cab ride (don't you wish cab rides earnt you frequent flyers) and B&D offer their home in Newport as 'Venue du Jour' to continue the fun...this goes to about 11 when the remainder of the party fall asleep ( bad form Brett!)

I wake up realise from the drool down my chin its about 5pm in the afternoon and I'm on someone elses couch...I wait for the hosts to wake and Dermo - the only other hanger-on to the party like myself( as the rest sensibly left in the early morning to go home) so we can share a cab to our side of the city...

I managed to get in at 7pm ( about the same time i left Friday night!) and find a note from Andy - he's done the washing/shopping (Bless) and has gone out to Doug's birthday drinks (oops forgot about that) so I have a shower, eat a thai curry and watch part of the 'COUNTDOWN' concert ( havent laughed like that for ages) and crash... Needless to say a bit sore and flat today..going back to bed for a bit... Good night though.